Artists doní¢â‚¬â„¢t always have an intention in mind when creating art. Part of the reason is that as time passes, an artistí¢â‚¬â„¢s understanding of their work can be clarified or can change all together. This has been the case for most of the art Ií¢â‚¬â„¢ve produced. My work tends to focus on feminist questions of sexuality and includes a variety of abrasive and thought provoking images. These images include myself having sex with a raw pig heart, dancing with a dead chicken that I use as a prosthetic penis and performing a strip tease that I interrupt to binge eat cup cakes.

When I first made Subject to Subject, a visual art piece, in June of 2006 I only had a vague idea of what I was trying to communicate in having my face stepped on while gasping for breath and moaning in sexual desire. It wasní¢â‚¬â„¢t until eight months later, that I was really able to situate my feelings and thoughts within a cohesive narrative. What began as a spontaneous work somehow cohered into a piece about the breakdown of boundaries between self and other that can occur when we allow ourselves to be transformed by another. Ultimately, I realized, it was a piece about love.

This is not how the piece was received when it screened at Trinity Square Video in August of 2006. The first reaction to Subject to Subject, as revealed to me in public discussion and private conversation, was that the work reads as a masochistic endurance test í¢â‚¬“ one that tests the viewerí¢â‚¬â„¢s limits as well as my own. While I can see how this can apply to the theme of love, it certainly wasní¢â‚¬â„¢t my sole intention.

The other argument raised at the Trinity screening was that I mobilize narratives of the black male rapist by having a man of colour video-tape and participate in the action. According to this line of thought, my co-performer becomes a racialized perpetrator of sexual violence vis-íƒ  -vis my portrayal of an innocent and victimized white femininity. The dehumanization of my co-performer is furthered through my use of pornographic themes. Because everything except his foot is cropped from the frame and because it is his foot that is used as the primary sexual tool, people argued that í¢â‚¬Ëœthe phallusí¢â‚¬â„¢ is transferred to his foot in a way that objectified him as purely sexual and aggressive. In this way í¢â‚¬“ so the argument goes í¢â‚¬“ my co-performer becomes nothing but a metaphorical black penis, while my white subjectivity is affirmed because the viewer can see my face and reactions on the screen.

When Subject to Subject screened at the Toronto Images Festival in April of 2007 many of the responses that I received were similar to the ones outlined above. The most common observation people approached me with was that the piece is difficult to watch í¢â‚¬“ and that in particular it is difficult to witness my sexually-charged discomfort. Many viewers of the work also told me that it lost some of its impact because it was placed alongside works that provoked a similar emotional response. The program consisted almost entirely of female artists exploring various forms of struggle.

Later, at a round table discussion with other artists from the program, the discussion took an interesting turn. When I raised the question of artistic responsibility with regards to the politics of representation, the moderator quickly advised caution. She was concerned that this type of political diligence might well slip into self-censorship, and she added, í¢â‚¬Å“it is often when ideas make us nervous that we know we might be on to something important.í¢â‚¬  Most panelists agreed but as an audience participant remarked, we cannot ignore the fact that imagery weí¢â‚¬â„¢ve created might have discriminatory potential and that balancing artistic responsibility with daring and thought-provoking work is not only a difficult but an important task. Regardless of artistic intention, it seems, we must remember that even explorations of love are situated within an ever-pressing political environment. While I doubt I will ever stop producing controversial work, this will be a consistent consideration as I continue in my creative practice.