Introduction

Ií¢â‚¬â„¢m self-centered. You too. Us especially. Not only do we project onto others, we personify wherever, whenever and however possible. If you want proof of this, watch a movie or read a book. As a result, this Mash features a dazzling photo essay mapped to online dialogue, making it easier than ever to humanize the inhuman. Enjoy being a person, ití¢â‚¬â„¢s all you have.

(editors note: make sure you follow the links to really appreciate the worth of Greg's project)

Air Pizza

í¢â‚¬Å“People used to mistake me for my brother all the time until I quit balliní¢â‚¬â„¢ and got into the í¢â‚¬Ëœza game. When Mike asks why I pig out I have two words for him, í¢â‚¬Ëœquality controlí¢â‚¬â„¢. Whatever, I can still school his skinny logo ass one-on-one.í¢â‚¬ 

Died on the Fourth of July

í¢â‚¬Å“Weí¢â‚¬â„¢re a bunch of little firecracker corpses. Forgot about us, didní¢â‚¬â„¢t you? Have a happy holidayí¢â‚¬ ¦a**hole.í¢â‚¬ 

I Heart Cock

í¢â‚¬Å“Youí¢â‚¬â„¢d think as Picture of Vince Vaughn Ií¢â‚¬â„¢d be pissed at this í¢â‚¬Ëœculture bombingí¢â‚¬â„¢, but frankly Ií¢â‚¬â„¢m relieved since I really do heart cock. There, I said it. What really bugs me though, is Picture of Owen Wilson riding on my cock-loving coattails. I mean, doesní¢â‚¬â„¢t he ever turn it off, even for one mother-loving minute?í¢â‚¬ 

Bad Apple

í¢â‚¬Å“Yes, Ií¢â‚¬â„¢m being a crabapple, but doní¢â‚¬â„¢t tell me you havení¢â‚¬â„¢t had a day where your skin isní¢â‚¬â„¢t quite perfect? See. So maybe youí¢â‚¬â„¢ll understand why Ií¢â‚¬â„¢m cidered that they couldní¢â‚¬â„¢t have just spun me around for this shot. Ití¢â‚¬â„¢s not like I have a face.í¢â‚¬ 

Left My Kingdom

í¢â‚¬Å“You know, Ií¢â‚¬â„¢ve had a good run lately. Royalties, dames and all the blow I can hoover. But Ií¢â‚¬â„¢d give it all up just like to be able to see whatí¢â‚¬â„¢s on my left.í¢â‚¬ 

Meloncholy

í¢â‚¬Å“I knew this time would come. Trying to be attractive, knowing in my heart that Ií¢â‚¬â„¢m overripe. Christ, ití¢â‚¬â„¢s three in the morning and Ií¢â‚¬â„¢m trying to be picked up by any drunk who stumbles by. I wish a cat would just eat meí¢â‚¬ ¦Yeah, they love cantaloupe. Ití¢â‚¬â„¢s true, Google it.

Bubble Homicide

í¢â‚¬Å“Hey, I love kids just as much as the next bub, but when some soap-thirsty punk is trying to destroy your wife, kids and girlfriends í¢â‚¬“ thatí¢â‚¬â„¢s just bad parenting. My brother is dishwashing liquid, now thatí¢â‚¬â„¢s a sweet gig. (Pop)í¢â‚¬ 

Nametagged

í¢â‚¬Å“I should have never moved to Brooklyn. I mean here ití¢â‚¬â„¢s all í¢â‚¬Ëœtagí¢â‚¬â„¢, no í¢â‚¬Ëœnameí¢â‚¬â„¢. Just once Ií¢â‚¬â„¢d like to be used non-ironically. As if. And what the hell does this cheerleader stuff mean anyhow? Ií¢â‚¬â„¢d be willing to go a whole day for a nice í¢â‚¬ËœFrankí¢â‚¬â„¢ written on my face.í¢â‚¬ 

Chaser

í¢â‚¬Å“Chicken? I wish! People taste like crapí¢â‚¬ ¦and sea crap is pretty brutal. Like all sharks I go out of my way NOT to eat human. But when one slips in my mouth - especially a nasty sour child - I treat myself with a smooth pint, usually a Vienna lager.í¢â‚¬ 

Ganesh-mas

í¢â‚¬Å“Youí¢â‚¬â„¢d imagine one of the most venerated gods in the Hindu tradition wouldní¢â‚¬â„¢t think much of Christmas, but as í¢â‚¬Ëœlord of the hostsí¢â‚¬â„¢ I know a good party when I see one. Plus a purely consumer-focused holiday is a refreshing break from all that deep spirituality day job stuff.í¢â‚¬ 